Offaly influencer ponders on the nature of love as we approach St Valentine's Day

As it’s said in one of my favourite movies, Moulin Rouge, “The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.” My daughters Mia and Sophie spoke to my wife Jacqui and I recently where we were able to put those words into action when they said that they really love us because, 'when you love someone for real it means your heart loves their heart and that their hearts really love our hearts'. Very profound words from two young teenagers! Their words made me think (after I cried my eyes out) about, ‘what is real love?’

What is Real Love?

I think if you find yourself in love with someone who doesn't love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn’t choose to rest in the other person’s heart. If you find someone else in love with you and you don’t love him or her, feel honoured that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return. Do not take advantage, do not cause pain.

How you deal with love is how you deal with you, and all our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our lives and ways are different. If you fall in love with another, and he or she falls in love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it or to assess blame, let it go.

There is a reason and there is a meaning. You will know in time. And maybe the Garth Brooks song, 'Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers' might come to mind. Remember that you don’t choose love. Love chooses you. All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life. Feel the way it fills you to overflowing, then reach out and give it away. Give it back to the person who brought it alive in you and to the world around you in any way you can.

Love is a Gift

That is where many lovers go wrong. Having been so long without love, they understand love only as a need. They see their hearts as empty places that will be filled by love, and they begin to look at love as something that flows to them rather than from them. They cease to be someone who generates love and instead become someone who seeks love. They forget that the secret of love is that it is a gift, and that it can be made to grow only by giving it away. Remember this, and keep it in your heart. Love has its own time, its own seasons, and its own reason for coming and going. You cannot bribe it or coerce it or reason it into staying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you.

But if it chooses to leave from your heart or from the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do and there is nothing you should do. Love always has been and always will be a mystery. Be glad that it came into your life, even if only for a moment. As usual a story from My Nana Scully’s prayer book might help.

The kind of love I want in my life

“It was approximately 8.30 a.m. on a busy morning when an elderly gentleman in his eighties arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He stated that he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9.00 a.m. I took his vital signs and had him take a seat. I knew it would take more than an hour before someone would be able to attend to him. I saw him check his watch anxiously for the time and decided to evaluate his wound since I was not busy with another patient.

On examination, the wound was well healed. Hence, I talked to one of the doctors to get the supplies to remove his stitches. We began to engage in a conversation while I was taking care of his wound. I asked him why he was in such a hurry. The gentleman said that he needed to go to a nursing home to have breakfast with his wife. 

I inquired about her health. He told me that she had been in the nursing home for a while as she was a victim of Alzheimer's disease. I probed further and asked if she would be upset if he was slightly late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was and she had not been able to recognize him since five years ago. I asked him in surprise, "And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?" He smiled as he patted my hand and said, "She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is." I had to hold back my tears as he left. I had goose bumps on my arm, and I thought, "That is the kind of love I want in my life."”

Love simply is

We have somehow learned that there must be a reason to love someone. So we set up criteria by which we judge those we must love, and those we should exclude from our love. We have learned that there are some who are worthy of love, while others we can ignore. We have learned to love only those who are like us and at the same time, we have learned to close our lives from those who are different from us or unlikeable for whatever reason. But what, for the moment, we lay aside our prejudices and open our hearts to those we would like to dismiss?

Then perhaps, we might just find them to be God’s blessings. For  God has given each one of us a heart to love. It is through our hearts by which he comes to show love and compassion to the world. As God is generous beyond our imaginings, this gift of love is something we must extend not just to a worthy few, but to everyone regardless of our natural inclination or prejudices or racisms and reasoning to reject or exclude. We must extend hospitality, compassion and love to those who are easy for us to ignore or dismiss. We must live the Beatitudes that Jesus gave us for they are "The Beatitudes of Love."

For love simply is. Love doesn’t need a reason, love doesn’t always rhyme. But what we have got is a heart to love. Simply use it. Simply give love away. We must welcome everyone without discrimination.

Despite our past mistakes, despite our present injustices towards one another, we must welcome each other with love and forgiveness. God turns no one away. This kind of love and hospitality is beyond our comprehension. Why would God squander his love on us? God’s love needs no reason; God’s love doesn’t always rhyme with human reason. God simply is beyond human comprehension. Likewise, it is the same radical hospitality we must extend to everyone, without prejudice, without discrimination. For love doesn’t need a reason.

St Valentine's Day

Most people’s attitudes toward St. Valentine’s Day are wrapped up in its secular version as a celebration of romance. Some people love it, plan for it, and spend lots of money on it. Others shrug it off as just another day of the year. Still others hate the idea of a made-up holiday that promotes romance and shopping. Regardless of our feelings about Valentine's Day, we should celebrate love every day of the year. It’s too easy to take our loved ones for granted. I hope and pray that you take time daily to notice and appreciate the people you love. Don’t let a day go by without saying or doing something to let them know how important they are to you.

That’s a big part of what it means to be a human being. So don’t set your heart on the things of this world. Instead set your heart on knowing, loving, and doing God’s will. In this, you will discover the life God made you for, a life that is abundant and eternal in its blessings. You will experience the eternal love of God, a love that you share with others. That’s the real message of those Valentine hearts. This Valentine’s Day may Jesus give us all the richness of his mercy, the joy of his love, and the peace of his friendship.

Thought for the week

As your thought for the week, see what act of love you can do or give to someone that might need it most and sometimes it is someone very close to you that needs it! Remember that true love is neither just physical nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be. Here is a prayer I love to say now and then when love is the only answer needed – The Love Prayer- Today I remove all boundaries and walls, once used as a means of defence, I forgive those things from the darkened past, That in love’s divine realm make no spiritual sense. Releasing all worries, all burdens and doubt, I bring light to the shadows of fear.

By centring myself with a loving thought, Harsh judgments I no longer hear. The greatest experience that life has to give, Is love from an open heart, For it moves me to appreciate all there is, And I’m one with it all, not apart. It’s love that brings me closer to God, And leads me according to God’s way, to live "The Beatitudes of God's Love." For love’s light warms my spirit, it nurtures my soul, And assures me everything is okay. I am one with God and never apart, As I live this day with an open loving heart through God's guiding and loving grace. Amen. God Bless Your Valentine’s Day — A Day of blessings filled to the brim, a day of good things that come from Him. A day of beauty, a day of grace, a day of sunshine on your face. A day that keeps you in peace and rest, a day that brings you all God’s best.  Wishing you a day overflowing with all the love God holds in His heart for you! Happy Valentine’s Day"