THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: Repentance and forgiveness are the two cornerstone principles says Offaly columnist

Repentance and forgiveness are two cornerstone principles of our faith. They shape how we live our lives and relate to God and others. It is repentance and forgiveness that years ago led me to encounter Jesus and to embrace the difficult path of the Cross. When I was young and growing up, my Nana Scully encouraged me to write apology notes to anyone I offended, mostly my teachers and football and hurling managers.

I was a rebellious and insubordinate youth a lot of the time, so I had to write a lot of apology notes. Almost every recipient of a note was gracious and forgiving. Thus went the cycle of repentance and forgiveness. I hated the practice of atonement then, but as I’ve grown older, and as I’ve grown in my faith, I’ve come to see just how vital this cycle is to the human condition. It is repentance that humbles us sinners and allows the Holy Spirit to permeate our broken hearts and to transform our minds. And it is forgiveness that heals the wounds wrought by sin and leads to true unity and fraternity. God’s forgiveness reunites us to Him; our forgiveness reunites us to each other.

C.S. Lewis once wrote: “Every one says repentance and forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to repent or someone to forgive.” We've all been hurt in some way by someone else. Or perhaps, we did the hurting. Either way, these experiences can leave us wounded and oftentimes drowning in a cycle of bitterness, hate and resentment. Repentance and forgiveness are not always an easy concept to grasp, let alone put into practice. It’s often much easier to hold on to negative feelings than it is to extend grace to someone who has wronged us. Repentance and forgiveness doesn't mean that what we or they did was alright. It doesn't mean you have to love them or welcome them back into your life. It simply means you will no longer allow anger, hate and resentment to take up space in your heart and steal your joy. Repentance and forgiveness is for your freedom. So as difficult as it may be, repentance and forgiveness is essential to our emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual well-being. The repentance we give and the forgiveness we receive when we put our trust wholly in Jesus is a forgiveness that brings us freedom.

Embracing repentance and forgiveness

True repentance goes beyond just saying sorry. It means a complete change of heart and mind, turning away from sin and toward God. This transformation is vital for a sincere relationship with Jesus. Forgiveness is equally important. When we truly repent of our sins, God forgives us. His grace wipes away the guilt and shame, giving us a fresh start. This forgiveness is a gift that should change how we live. We become more compassionate, willing to forgive others as we have been forgiven. Daily practices like prayer, reading the Bible, and showing kindness help us live out this new life.

Embracing both repentance and forgiveness can transform your life. It brings peace and joy that come from being in right standing with God. By understanding these principles, you can grow closer to God and develop healthier relationships with those around you. St. Maximus the Confessor once wrote: 'God's will is to save us, and nothing pleases Him more than our coming back to Him in true repentance.' The story of the Man Born Blind in John’s Gospel and the story of the Prodigal Son in Luke’s Gospel. and the story of the woman caught in adultery also in John's Gospel, exemplify God's great and tender mercy. In these stories, the bystanders are concerned about who committed what sin and assume that sinners deserve punishment. “Who sinned, this man or his parents?” they ask in John’s Gospel.

Also in John's Gospel Jesus says, 'If there is one of you who has not sinned, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.’ In Luke’s Gospel, the bystanders are shocked that Jesus eats, drinks, and “hangs out” with known sinners. The human capacity to judge others, assume the worst about others, and then be unforgiving toward others is as palpable today as it was in the time of Jesus. We all want God’s merciful forgiveness for ourselves but are slow to think others may deserve it! The point is that God is merciful and tender-hearted toward the sinner and desires reconciliation with every one of us no matter who or what we are. God wishes to heal our blindness and wrap a coat of beauty over us when we feel ashamed. As we continue our Lenten journey into Holy Week may this truly be a time of healing, renewal, and reconciliation for us all! It’s not enough to acknowledge our sins. True repentance also involves demonstrating genuine remorse and committing to a new direction. It requires brokenness, honesty, and willingness to change. During our busy lives, it’s easy to get stuck in our usual routines and overlook the areas in need of transformation within ourselves. Lent and soon Holy week grants us a much-needed pause, a chance to slow down, reflect and look inward. Just as Jesus called His disciples to follow Him on the path of repentance and belief, we are also invited to join this journey.

We are called to reflect on the deep implications of repentance. and forgiveness. We are called to turn away from sin and embrace God’s Kingdom values. How can we recognise where we have gone off track and make things right with God and others? How can we let go of old habits that hold us back from living fully in God’s grace? Let us embrace repentance and forgiveness as a powerful tool for growth and renewal, allowing it to guide us towards a deeper alignment with God’s will.

Value of forgiveness

It has been said that everyone is in favour of forgiveness until they have to forgive someone. It is easy to talk about the value of forgiveness but not so easy to give expression to that value in our lives when the need arises. We all need to forgive and be forgiven, over and over again, if our life together is to be life-giving, and if we are to be the agents of healing and reconciliation in our world. When we have been hurt by another, it can be very difficult to come to terms with the woundedness we feel.

But by accepting and embracing our own wounds we open a door to forgiveness and new life. Too often people hold grudges in their hearts which eventually affect their ability to develop healthy human relationships. One of the most important skills we each need is that of knowing how to forgive. There is an African proverb which states: "He who forgives ends the quarrel."

Forgiveness builds us up and helps us move on; whereas revenge destroys and creates bitterness. Forgiving helps us to heal our own wounds. Some people consider those who forgive to be weak or to be cowards or stupid. But there is much wisdom in the proverb: "The noblest vengeance is to forgive." The gospels (Mt. 18:21-35) tell us that God is always ready and willing to forgive, even the most serious faults of people. Now, if this is the behaviour of our God, we do not have any pretext to deny anyone our forgiveness. I feel that our lives are never as beautiful as when praying for repentance and forgiveness or else forgiving another. When we change our hearts and forgive, we change ourselves and we change our world for the better.

Building bridges to forgiveness

As usual a story from my Nana Scully's prayer book might help to explain what I am trying to relay. "Once upon a time two brothers, who lived on adjoining farms, fell into conflict with one another. It was the first serious rift in 40 years of farming side by side, sharing machinery, and trading labour and goods. Then the long collaboration fell apart. It began with a small misunderstanding and it grew into a major difference, and finally it exploded into an exchange of bitter words followed by weeks of silence. One morning there was a knock on the older brother’s door. He opened it to find a man with a carpenter’s toolbox. ‘I’m looking for a few days work’, the man said. ‘Perhaps you would have a few small jobs here and there. Could I help you?’ ‘Yes,’ said the older brother. ‘I do have a job for you. Look across the creek at that farm.

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That’s my neighbour, in fact it’s my younger brother. Last week there was a meadow between us and he took his bulldozer to the river levee and now there is a lake between us. Well, he may have done this to spite me, but I’ll go him one better. See that pile of lumber curing by the barn? I want you to build me a fence, an eight foot fence, so I won’t need to see his place anymore. That will show him.

The carpenter said, ‘I think I understand the situation. Show me the nails and the digger and I’ll be able to do a job that pleases you.’ The older brother had to go to town for supplies, so he helped the carpenter get the materials ready and then he was off for the day. The carpenter worked hard all day measuring, sawing and nailing. About sunset when the farmer returned, the carpenter had just finished the job.

The farmer’s eyes opened wide. His jaw dropped. There was no fence there at all. It was a bridge, a bridge stretching from one side of the lake to the other. A fine piece of work, handrails and all, and the neighbour, his younger brother, was coming across the bridge his arms outstretched. ‘You are quite a fellow to build this bridge after all I’ve said and done.’ The two brothers met at the middle of the bridge, hugging each other. They turned to see the carpenter hoist his toolbox on his shoulder. ‘No, wait! Stay a few days more. I’ve lots of other projects for you,’ said the older brother. ‘I’d love to stay on, ‘the carpenter said, ‘but I have so many more bridges to build."

Forgiveness is a decision

Have you or someone close to you ever been hurt so deeply that you or they found it almost impossible to forgive the person or the people who hurt you? Forgiveness is never easy. We all love to be forgiven ourselves, but when we are asked to forgive others, we find that quite the challenge. When people hurt us, our natural inclination would be to seek revenge, to become bitter and resentful towards them, to speak ill of them, to dream up ways of making them suffer for what they did to us. But that is not the way of Jesus. He says we must forgive and He has shown us, through His own life, that He was not about to ask us to do anything, that He was not prepared to do Himself. But how difficult!

And yet, Jesus tells us very clearly today, that if we don't forgive from our hearts, God will not forgive us. Can we imagine that? What would it be like if we asked God to forgive us and He refused, because we hadn't forgiven someone? I don't think we really like to consider this too much! We like the assurance that, when we mess up, as we so often do, God will forgive us. But this is not the case, when we don't pass on the mercy and forgiveness we receive from God to others. God's forgiveness is taken from us. A sobering thought!

All of us are in need of forgiveness; we all need to experience God's mercy. The message is clear, we must forgive, no matter how difficult that is for us! But how can we forgive when we have been hurt so deeply? It just seems like too impossible a task, and it is, if we just try to do it by ourselves. But we must always remember that we have been gifted with the Holy Spirit to help and guide us. When we can't forgive, when we are deeply wounded, when we have feelings of revenge, resentment and bitterness welling up inside us, we must reach out to the Holy Spirit and invite the Spirit to move within us, so that we can forgive.

Forgiveness is not a feeling, it is a decision, an act of the will and can only come about through prayer. On our own, we can do so very little. We just react to hurt with human responses, but when we pray, we invite the Holy Spirit to help us to do what is humanly impossible and that makes all the difference. What we need to realize is that if we know anything of God’s forgiveness and mercy in our lives, then we should forgive others. Forgiven people are forgiving people. Thomas Adams said, “He that demands mercy and forgiveness, and shows none, ruins the bridge over which he himself is to pass.”

Mercy and forgiveness requires you to treat people better than they deserve. Mercy and forgiveness drives you to show compassion to people you have good reason to ignore. Mercy and forgiveness leads you to care about people's pain even when these very people have caused you pain. Mercy requires forgiving those who have wronged you. Mercy and forgiveness insists that you seek reconciliation with those who have offended you. Just try being merciful and forgiving, it takes the strength of God to show mercy and true forgiveness, trust me on that!! When we ask for God’s mercy and forgiveness, we are essentially asking him to relieve us of a heart that is in misery and pain.

And our hearts can be in a state of misery and pain not just from our mistakes and I know mine has been on many occasions, but also in misery and pain from the deep hurt caused by a broken relationship with a family member or friend, from the suffering of infertility, from the pain of a physical or mental illness, from losing a job, from being betrayed or abandoned, from the loss of a loved one that has died tragically, from spiritual or physical poverty, and so on. But as Pope Francis said recently, "Let us be renewed by God's mercy and forgiveness, let us be loved by Jesus, let us enable the power of his love to transform our lives too; and let us become agents of this mercy and forgiveness, channels through which God can water the earth, protect all creation and make justice, love, kindness, truth and peace flourish."

Thought for the week

As your thought for the week, let's ask ourselves: Is there anyone I need to forgive? Am I harbouring any grudges? Have I bitterness of resentment in my heart towards any person? Have I ever tried asking God to help me forgive those who have hurt me so deeply? Forgiving others doesn't mean we have to forget, condone or excuse what they have done. Some hurts we will carry with us always, but if we decide to forgive, we will not let those hurts fester within us. We will free ourselves of being weighed down by resentment, bitterness, the desire for revenge, those things that can eat away at us and enslave us.

Today let's invite the Holy Spirit to work through us to bring about a desire to forgive those who have wronged us. The following favourite prayer of mine might help. "Lord, I thank You that You are so merciful and forgiving, slow to anger and quick to forgive. I want to be able to forgive, but sometimes I just find it so difficult. I carry the pain of the hurts inflicted upon me around with me and when I think of those who have hurt me in my life, negative thoughts about them still come to the surface, even when I believe I have forgiven them. Lord, today I want to make the decision to forgive, but I need Your Help. Send Your Spirit upon me, to help me forgive and to free me from any negative thoughts I am carrying in my heart towards those who have wronged me. I know what it is like to need forgiveness, let me have generosity of spirit in forgiving others. Lord, "forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us" are words I pray often. Help me to mean those words.

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Help me, O Lord, that my eyes may be merciful and forgiving, so that I will never be suspicious or judge by appearances, but always look for what is beautiful in my neighbours’ souls and be of help to them; that my ears maybe merciful and forgiving, so that I will be attentive to my neighbours’ needs, and not indifferent to their pains and complaints; that my tongue may be merciful and forgiving, so that I will never speak badly of others, but have a word of comfort and forgiveness for all; that my hands may be merciful, forgiving and full of good deeds; that my feet may be merciful and forgiving, so that I will hasten to help my neighbour, despite my own fatigue and weariness; that my heart may be merciful and forgiving, so that I myself will share in all the sufferings of my neighbour. As you have been fed, go to feed the hungry. As you have been set free, go to set free those imprisoned by guilt and sin, brokenness and pain. As you have been received – give. As you have heard – proclaim. As you have been forgiven - forgive. And may the blessing which you have received from the Creator be always with you. Let me forgive so that I too may be forgiven. Thank you Lord for your mercy. Amen."