6 signs your partner is financially cheating on you

Romantic cheating gets a lot of attention, but have you ever heard of financial cheating? Money matters are often a source of tension in relationships, but some issues go beyond bickering about the cost of the weekly food shop.

We spoke with Louise Barretto, specialist family solicitor and legal director of family at Moore Barlow, who shared her expertise on when small changes in behaviour might indicate that something more serious is bubbling under the surface…

How would you define financial cheating?

“It’s not a legal definition, but essentially it’s dishonesty or deceit around money within a relationship,” says Barretto. “It could occur in any kind of relationship but if you are looking specifically at romantic partners, it could be when one partner is hiding something or misrepresenting financial information.”

Here are six red flags to look out for…

1. Missing funds or unexpected withdrawals

Substantial withdrawals with no explanation could be a cause for concern.

“Any unexplained withdrawals or missing funds from a joint account that you’d expect to be there is a red flag,” says Barretto. “For example, making large purchases without telling you.”

2. Being secretive about finances   

“Financial transparency is a cornerstone of any marital partnership,” says Barretto. “When one spouse becomes secretive about bank statements, credit card bills, or refuses previously normal account access, it suggests they may be hiding assets, debts or transfers.

“This type of behaviour commonly appears alongside other forms of financial dishonesty and can complicate the division of assets further down the line.”

3. Change in spending habits

“Sudden shifts in spending patterns – whether that be unexplained luxury purchases, cash withdrawals, or being uncharacteristically more frugal with finances – can signal that a spouse is diverting funds elsewhere or hiding their financial activity,” says Barretto. “In divorce proceedings, it is usually the case that the status quo should be retained in the financial landscape until the situation is resolved.”

4. Inconsistencies

“If you know what your partner is earning, or what you’ve been told they’re earning, but their lifestyle isn’t consistent with that, that could be a red flag,” says Barretto. “For example, if somebody says they earn £200,000 but can’t afford to order a pizza, then you should be on your guard.”

5. Suspicious mail or phone calls

“Even if you do online banking, if you’re in arrears you’re going to get something through the mailbox,” says Barretto. “Although you can’t open someone else’s mail up, you can certainly say ‘what’s that?’ In addition, someone in debt might be left telephone messages on the landline.”

6. Making changes to joint assets without consultation

“Unilateral decisions about jointly held property or accounts such as liquidating investments, adding signatories, or transferring funds represents a huge breach of trust,” says Barretto. “These actions can disadvantage the other spouse financially and may constitute dissipation of marital assets, which courts take seriously when determining fair settlements.”

What impact can this behaviour have on a relationship?

“Financial cheating can signify a significant breakdown in trust, almost on a par with actual romantic cheating,” says Barretto. “Obviously, it affects different couples in different ways, but it can lead to a breakdown in the relationship.

“In addition, if it’s happening during separation or divorce proceedings, then it can have quite a significant implications on the proceedings because the court requires both parties to provide a “full and frank” disclosure of all financial assets and liabilities.”

What should someone do if they think their partner is financially cheating on them?

“If something feels wrong, then there is probably something going on,” says Barretto. “The main thing is to gather as much information as possible without breaching the other party’s confidential information.”

Finding the right time to ask questions in key.

“Try to ask questions if you’re feeling a little bit suspicious or insecure about it, but make sure you choose the right time,” advises Barretto. “Keep calm and be prepared to also disclose what your financial situation is so they don’t feel like they are under attack.”

However, the specialist family solicitor acknowledges that direct confrontation isn’t always safe.

“If you have a partner who flies off the handle and can get abusive, then you’re not going to want to have that conversation directly with them on your own in circumstances where it could become unsafe,” says Barretto. “If things are really rocky and you are contemplating separating or divorcing, then you should consider speaking to a solicitor before confronting the other party.”

Why is it important to be transparent about finances in a relationship?

Talking about finances is often seen as a taboo, but it can help strengthen relationships.

“Every couple is different, but I firmly believe that it’s healthy to sit down together on a regular basis and discuss finances, especially in a marriage,” says Barretto. “Talk about what your family financial goals are, so you feel like you are pulling together towards a common goal – whether that be a house purchase or upgrade or about sending your children to private schools.”