9 ways to reconnect with your teenager this Christmas

Christmas can be magical when you’ve got young kids – but when they turn into teenagers, the magic may be replaced by moods.

But although teens may not exactly be enthused about the joy of a family Christmas, the festive period can actually be a great time to reconnect with them and strengthen any family bonds that may have been fractured during adolescence.

Adolescent therapist Alicia Drummond, founder of Teen Tips, which gives advice to those looking after children and young people, says Christmas can be an ideal time for parents to get on better terms with teenage children.

“Christmas can be a busy time, but it can also be a great opportunity to connect with our teenagers,” she says. “Connection occurs when we spend time together, when we talk, laugh, and play together, and while most of us do these things with younger children, some of us are perhaps less confident with our teenagers.”

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Some of this under-confidence can stem from the fact that most teenagers seem to only want to spend time with their friends, and can often be disparaging about their parents and turn their nose up at spending time with them. Drummond says: “The developmental drive of adolescence for independence can leave us parents feeling sidelined or even abandoned, and while it’s true that most teens are keen to spend time with their friends, we perhaps underestimate how important we still are to them.

“They want and need to know we love and admire them, that we’re interested in their world, we respect their ideas, and support them in their plans and dreams.”

Drummond advises that no matter how distant relations are with your teen, it’s worth at least trying to re-establish your relationship over the Christmas period. To do it, she suggests…

1.  Make yourself available to them

You may be rushed off your feet over the festive period, but try to carve out some time to spend with your teenager, perhaps making it more attractive to them by suggesting you do something together that they’ll enjoy, like Christmas shopping or going to the cinema to see a festive movie. “Invite them to spend time with you in ways which meet their need to feel more adult,” advises Drummond.

2.   Suggest doing something simple together

Spending time together doesn’t have to be some expensive, lengthy carry-on – Drummond suggests just taking your teen out for a coffee might help you reconnect.

3.   Ask for their input on the festivities

There’s a lot going on over Christmas, and the temptation is for mums and dads to do everything themselves, as they probably always have done since the kids were born. But as children get older, asking their opinion on how things are done over Christmas may help them feel more a part of the family and more involved in the celebrations. Drummond advises: “Involve them in the Christmas menu planning, and cook together.”

4.  Get creative together

Another idea, although perhaps not for all teens, is to get creative together, suggests Drummond. If you’re making anything for Christmas, be that table decorations or simply dressing the tree, ask them to help you.

5.  Get them to help create a chill-out space

Suggest they help you to make a space where anyone who needs a bit of time out during the festivities can go to chill, says Drummond.

6.  Play games with them

Card and board games are a Christmas staple, so try to persuade your teenager to join in. It might take some doing to entice them off their phone, but Drummond says if you let them choose the game, it could work.

7.  Debate issues together

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Drummond suggests raising questions that you’re unlikely to argue about, but you can at least discuss together, possibly over the Christmas dinner table. “Debate and discuss topics which don’t have a right or wrong answer – if you were going to eliminate a colour from the colour spectrum, which one would you get rid of and why?” she says.

8. Suggest a bit of pampering

Particularly if you’ve got a teenage girl, some indulgent festive pampering together might be well-received and help strengthen your relationship. If you can’t afford to visit a spa or a beauty salon over the Christmas period, “offer to give them a manicure, pedicure, or massage yourself,” suggests Drummond.

9.  Avoid lectures  

Your teen may feel that every time they tell you something they end up getting a lecture. If you want to get on good terms with them over Christmas, do your best to avoid giving them lectures or lessons, advises Drummond. “Instead, ask for their opinions and be open to their ideas,” she says. “If you disagree with their opinions, rather than shutting them down, be curious.”