POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY: Can we actually get what we really want?

WHILE the idea of manifesting the kind of life you want is not a new one, this process has been gaining traction lately in popular literature.

Roxie Nafousi is an author, inspirational speaker and development coach who has recently published a book entitled 'Manifest, 7 steps to living your best life'.

What is manifesting?

One definition of manifesting is “to create something or turn something from an idea into a reality”. Nafousi herself describes manifesting not as some magical force but rather a self-development practice to live by. In her book, she describes what she considers the seven steps that the reader needs to take, if they are to benefit from this practice.

We have read this very interesting and readable book and were both struck by some of the commonalities and similarities with positive psychology. In today’s article we focus on some of these that might be helpful to our own readers.

The power of imagination

Last month in this column, we talked about the importance of imagery in terms of stimulating nervous system activation. Scientific research tells us that guided imagery is effective because the brain and body respond to imagined experience just as well as to real experience that is actually happening. Negative, upsetting, distressing, disturbing visual imagery can stimulate the nervous system such that we experience sympathetic nervous system activation, aka fight, flight and freeze.

This can lead to emotions such as anxiety and anger. On the other hand, we can use positive, soothing imagery to stimulate the parasympathetic branch of the nervous system, in other words to help us rest and digest and enjoy feelings of calm and soothing.

Nafousi tells us that it is important to build a very clear image of what we want to manifest and that we must work on feeling it as well as seeing it, that is, try to feel what it will be like to have this in your life.

Nafousi also encourages the reader to be as specific as possible when thinking about what they want to manifest. In clinical practice, we also encourage clients to be as specific as possible when they want to effect change in their lives. Many of us use the acronym SMART goals which was first developed by a director of corporate planning in the US called George Doran over 40 years ago.

The S stands for specific, the M for measurable, the A for achieveable, the R for realistic and the T for time-related. If a client wants to make changes in their lives - for example, lose weight, start exercising - these goals can be really useful.

Visualising change

Psychologists who work with athletes have long used visualisation techniques to help them imagine not just success but how to overcome obstacles. Many forms of psychological therapies draw on the principles of positive psychology and encourage the client to focus on solutions rather than on the problems. Solution focussed brief therapy uses a tool called the miracle question which encourages the client to look at how their lives would be different if their problems were removed and issues addressed. So it asks the client to create a specific, elaborate, detailed vision of what life would be like in the absence of a problem and if a miracle had occurred.

Working with thoughts and emotion

Nafousi urges the reader that in order to successfully manifest what we want in our lives, we must “remove fear and doubt”. She suggests a number of ways of doing this which align with the principles and practices that we use in positive psychology.

For example, managing our thoughts and language. Much of the work we do in clinical practice and in the course of running groups with clients involves working with thoughts. We help people become aware of the thoughts they default to, which are most often negative - we blame evolution for that!

Once people are more conscious of the thoughts that get them “stuck” and that are not helpful for them, then they can cultivate a different relationship with them; rather than believing them, they can acknowledge but re-direct their minds to more helpful thoughts. The more we practise this the easier it becomes. From a neurological point of view, it is like carving out new neural pathways. As the neuroscientists say “neurons that fire together, wire together”.

We stress to clients how important our self-talk is. After all, the most conversation we have in any 24 hours, is with ourselves. So if we repeat statements like “This is terrible, I can’t cope” whenever we face challenges, this is going to have a different impact on our beliefs and behaviours than a statement such as “Yes, this is hard, but I am doing my best”.

Working on behaviour

Nafousi stresses that manifesting is not a passive process; she tells us that we cannot just wait for what we want to happen. Instead, we need to guide our behaviour towards our goals and what we want to happen in our lives. This is something we emphasise to our clients.

A former college professor of ours summed this up perfectly: “It’s easier to act your way into a feeling than feel your way into an action”. In other words, we encourage clients to take action even when they do not feel like it.

For example, we would encourage a client with depression whose instinct is to retreat from the world and isolate themselves from others, to do the opposite. Isolation will often make things worse, whereas engaging with others and getting active physically will often help shift low mood.

The practice of gratitude

We have written about the benefits of gratitude practice to our mental health in this column. The practice of gratitude is about getting our minds to focus on what we have, rather than what we do not have. We can practise this in any number of ways. We encourage clients to take time everyday to think about (or even better write down) something they are feeling grateful for that day, something they have enjoyed that day and something they are feeling satisfied with that day.

Psychological research indicates that when we practise gratitude, we feel more positive emotions, enjoy experiences more, enjoy better health and relationships and cope better with adversity. Nafousi urges her readers to practise gratitude unconditionally, to be grateful for what they currently have; this will help them redirect attention towards what they currently have as well as what they are manifesting.

Mindful attitudes

Nafousi talks about the importance of giving ourselves compassion, nonjudgement and kindness. She emphasises that self-love underpins each of the steps of manifesting in her book. These are the elements of mindfulness that we find so helpful in our work with clients.

When we learn to treat ourselves the way we would a close friend or a loved one, when we learn to let go of the self-sabotaging need to self-criticise and judge ourselves as well as our experiences, we can make huge in-roads into demolishing the unhelpful, fear-based thoughts and beliefs that not only contribute to poor mental health but steal the joy from our lives.

Julie O'Flaherty and Imelda Ferguson are chartered clinical psychologists, both based in private practice in Tullamore. Through Mind Your Self Midlands, they run courses on Positive Psychology and mindfulness throughout the year. They can be contacted through the Psychological Society of Ireland www.psychologicalsociety.ie (Find A Psychologist section) or on their Facebook page, Mind Your Self Midlands.