Great expectations for our wellbeing - monthly column with Roscrea's Emma Coonan
With Easter now behind us, this is a time of year that can present change and new chapters, writes Emma in this month's column
As the long awaited spring weather finally arrives, it feels like a new season is upon us. The sound of lawnmowers, bird song, and children playing in nearby parks and greens marks a very welcome April for many.
Often a time of new life, birth, and hope, the month of April can offer respite to those who have struggled with darker days, providing an opportunity to look forward to a period of light, warmth, and new beginnings.
As we patiently await our own new arrival this week, I found myself thinking about the significance of the expectations we can set for events beyond our control, and how best to return to simple acts of wellbeing in the midst of the undiscovered.
Great Expectations
With Easter now behind us, this is a time of year that can present change and new chapters. For some this may mean a new school term, or a new farming season, while for others it may simply be the experience of arriving into a new season, which can bring up both opportunities and challenges.
Whatever these new chapters may look like for each of us, they very often come with a set of expectations. These expectations can be defined by experiences we have had before, inherited from the last time we encountered this chapter. Or they may be influenced by stories from others who have walked a similar path before us.
With these expectations in tow, it can be difficult to approach a new stage of life without carrying assumptions or anxieties with us, about how it will feel, how we will fair, and if we will be ok. One way to navigate the danger of overthinking and over worrying in the face of the unknown is to try to soften the edges of the expectations we carry with us.
‘Good Enough’ Expectations
For those of us who remember reading Charles Dickens’ Great Expectations in school, you may remember some of the hard lessons Pip learned as he navigated new chapters in his life. Although harbouring great expectations can help us to achieve greatness, it can also sometimes take the good out of our experiences - good that may feel just as great, if we can only stay open to it.
A practice often turned to in mindfulness is the idea of the ‘good enough.’ For many this can have negative associations, especially for those of us who like to strive for greatness. However the idea of ‘good enough’ is not to sacrifice or give up on greatness, but instead to appreciate the greatness that can be found in simple appreciation, and kindness towards ourselves, as we do our best to face life’s unknowns.
There are many ways we can practice this new approach. For some, keeping phrases at hand such as ‘I am doing the best I can today’ or ‘perfection is not necessary’ can help us to step back from high expectations that just may not be achievable right now. For others, simple acts like taking a deep breath, or simply stopping for a cup of tea and a biscuit can help to interrupt unhelpful thoughts which may be fuelling unnecessary panic and perfectionism.
Keeping it Simple
New chapters are a part of life, and few of us will approach them without some trepidation. These feelings are natural, as we are designed to be on the lookout for potential dangers that change may bring. Hopefully, this trepidation will be a mix of excitement as well as some anxiety, although sometimes difficult to tell these apart.
When it comes to our wellbeing, the point is not to eliminate these feelings, as that in itself can be the cause of even more anxiety. Instead, it is about recognising the naturalness of these emotions, and finding simple ways to soften their edges.
With new beginnings ahead, we usually have enough to be getting on with without trying to learn new habits and practices, so this week why not reflect on what has worked for you in the past when you’ve had a new stage ahead of you. Returning to what we know works for us can bring us the comfort of some certainty, in the face of uncertainty and unknowns.
A final thought...
April can be a season of new beginnings and chapters yet undiscovered. This can feel both welcome and unwelcome, as we try to navigate new waters.
One way to help us to enjoy these experiences is to find simple ways to soften the expectations we may be carrying, so that we can, like the Easter lambs, take tentative steps into the unknown, until soon we are bounding with joy and lightness.