Creating our own Seasonal Celebrations with Emma Coonan

With last Sunday marking the beginning of Advent, Christmas is well and truly approaching, writes Emma Coonan in this month's series of wellbeing articles.

Lively lights and twinkling tinsel are abound in almost every shop window, keeping us warm as we face into colder nights.
This is also the first year in some time where the loom of lockdowns may feel a little more distant from our minds, and with that the urge to really try to celebrate this year.

Although Advent can, for some, be a time for reflection and slowing down, for others this period in the lead up to Christmas can bring stresses and strains, as we try to create the ‘ideal’ Christmas. The costs and pressures associated with this can cause worry and anxiety. This may be particularly so this year, as the cost of living is on many people’s minds.

Taking the time now, in advance of Christmas, to consider ways to celebrate without putting ourselves under pressure can help to set our expectations, and those of others. Setting these expectations early can help us to find the right balance, financially, mentally, and emotionally, so we can look forward to some down time ahead.

Setting expectations

For many of us, the Christmas season is synonymous with familiar ads and movies, showing houses covered in lights, Christmas trees filling the window, and presents sitting in stockings by the fire. These images can help us to feel excited for the season, as we often associate these images with a special time.

Although these associations can bring positive feelings of good times ahead, if we try to stretch beyond our means to create the ‘ideal’ Christmas, it can lead to stresses and worry in the long term. The financial burden of Christmas for some can overshadow the excitement. For others, Christmas can feel like an emotionally challenging time, as different stressors can come to the fore.

This year, while there is still time until Christmas arrives, why not take some time to reflect on what expectations you are setting for yourself this year, and whether there is room to re-balance them in favour of a more realistic plan.

Communication is key

While reflecting on and setting expectations can be important in the lead up to a busy season, it can be equally important to communicate our thoughts about these expectations to those who might share in them.

We are probably all familiar with that feeling of a weight being lifted when we talk about something that is bothering us. As the old saying goes, a problem shared is a problem halved. In the lead up to Christmas, this could mean finding time to have a chat with loved ones or friends about what a realistic plan looks like this year.

In this way, expectations are not only set, they are shared, which can help us to feel like we are managing our resources a little better.

Keeping things simple

I was reminded this week of a story I learned in school, about the wind and the sun in competition as they observed a person walking, over who could get him to take off his coat first. The wind blew as hard as it could, but that only made him hold his coat tighter around him. Meanwhile, the sun shone gently down, and he took off his coat with ease, to enjoy its warmth. It was a story that always stuck with me, and often comes back to my mind.

Like this old fable, advertising and expectations at Christmas time can feel like the wind, persistently asking us to buy, or be busy. This persistence can cause us to tense up and huddle against the wind, often meaning we cannot fully relax and enjoy the time.

If instead we can practice re-balancing, and taking some time to reflect and slow down, we might find that, like the person in the warmth of the sun in this story, we can relax for long enough to enjoy a special time.

A final thought...

This time of year can bring mixed emotions. While we can look forward to the feasts and festivities, we can also find ourselves feeling under pressure to meet unrealistic expectations. Taking time in the lead up to the Christmas season can give us the space we might need to re-set expectations, communicate these to those we need to, and enjoy some well-deserved relaxation time.

Emma Coonan is an Accredited Psychotherapist with IAHIP and ICP, Lectures in Psychotherapy, and is a qualified Adult Education Trainer. After leaving Coláiste Phobal Roscrea, Emma studied English and Media in Maynooth University, before combining her Psychotherapy training with experience in the corporate world. Emma focuses on applying Psychotherapy practices for everyday living, through developing resilience, stress response, and mindfulness practice.