How to renovate as a couple – and still speak to each other

Whether it’s a small project or renovating on a grand scale, when both of you are breathing new life into a space, chances are you’re bouncing ideas off each other – and not always in tune.

But when you’re working together, two heads are better than one…

By combining forces, getting into a teamwork mindset, knowing when to compromise – and when to step back – a successful refurb is in reach, while keeping your relationship intact!

Get on the same page

“From project goals to budget parameters, it’s crucial to have a thorough discussion on expectations before you begin the renovation process,” advises Victoria Harrison, editor at home and design platform, Houzz.

Naturally, your budget and project scope are some of the most obvious considerations, but don’t overlook logistical concerns that will inevitably come up, says Harrison.

“Be realistic about the timeline of the project. If you’re doing a kitchen renovation, for example, what are your plans for mealtimes?

“If it’s a more extensive renovation, what will your living plans be? Is it less stressful to move out temporarily, or would you prefer to stay in your home and save money?”

She says setting expectations around these details will minimise stress, and ensure you’re both on the same page.

Ina Appleby, founder and creative director at Studio Appleby, says: “Before diving into a renovation, couples should have an open and honest conversation about budget, as it’s often a major source of contention.

“Different views on how much to spend and where to allocate funds are common, so it’s crucial to address these discussions early, rather than avoid them,” she warns.

Agreeing on a clear budget and setting out a detailed plan – including how the project will be financed – can help prevent stress later on, says Appleby.

Set yourself up for success with the right professionals

“Finding the right pro, whether that’s your designer, builder or tradesperson, is critical to the success of your project,” underlines Harrison.

“Good professionals understand how the renovation process works, so they can guide you through it, solve unforeseen issues, and offer advice about everything from budget and timelines, to materials and products.”

She continues: “If you’re both having trouble reaching an agreement, they can share their expertise and creative problem-solving abilities to help you reach a solution.”

Show, don’t just tell

“Visual aids are incredibly helpful,” says Harrison. “Not only do they help to align on expectations with your partner, but they explain what you’re hoping to achieve with your pro.”

Whether it be through photos or software, she says to take advantage of available resources to convey your vision, and the project outcome.

Valerie Couillard, founder and renovation consultant at The Place Between, recommends starting with a shared digital mood board, which allows you to collect and organise images of spaces, finishes, and details you love.

“To go further, I often encourage clients to pair these visuals with a short ‘style brief’ in plain language, explaining why they like each element – light quality, texture, flow, etc.”

For more complex projects, she says annotated floor plans or simple sketches can help bridge any gap between abstract ideas and practical execution.

Have a communication game plan

Once the renovation is underway, Couillard says communication is easiest when couples understand the stages of work.

Such as demolition, structural work, first fixes, plastering, tiling, second fixes, decorating, and when decisions on fixtures and fittings need to be made.

She says this helps anticipate upcoming discussions and avoids last-minute stress.

That might mean regular updates and clear reminders about the next steps; introducing collaborative tools such as shared folders, project management apps or annotated drawings, suggests Couillard, helping both partners stay informed.

“When challenges arise – whether aesthetic, technical or logistical – a good pro will reframe them as workable options to discuss and decide on together,” says Couillard.

“And they’ll encourage both partners to attend key meetings and walk-throughs, so no one’s left out of critical conversations.”

When these touchpoints are actively managed, she says it helps couples communicate more constructively, reduces misunderstandings, and keeps the project aligned with their shared vision.

Be ready to meet halfway

“Before starting a renovation, it’s important to discuss design preferences, priorities and non-negotiables,” highlights Appleby.

“There can be hundreds, if not thousands, of decisions to be made during a renovation project.”

With a clear understanding of priorities upfront, you can determine areas where you’re willing to meet halfway, helping to move the project forward smoothly, advises Appleby.

Master the art of adaptability

As Harrison points out, even well-planned renovations can run into challenges, whether it’s a delay in products and materials, structural issues or unexpected costs.

“What’s important is keeping a positive attitude during those setbacks, and remaining flexible when it comes to issues beyond your control.”

Additionally, Harrison says it’s advisable to build a cushion into your budget, to weather unexpected challenges.

Couillard says: “A useful tip is to remember the schedule is a guide, not a guarantee… during renovations, stages may be completed in a different order than planned.

“Being prepared for this, and understanding the potential implications, allows you to make informed choices in the moment.”

She says it also helps support tradesmen and contractors involved, and prevents situations where changes made on site can’t be undone without additional cost.

When setbacks do arise, make problem-solving your approach rather than assigning blame, advises Couillard.

“Renovations are, in many ways, an ongoing problem-solving exercise. Revisit the project documents to identify what can be adapted, then agree together on the next step before sharing it with the builder or designer.

“Approaching challenges as a united front helps maintain respect, clarity, and momentum on all sides,” she says confidently.