Words matter: Beware of gossip advises Offaly influencer

Last year I was involved in helping to organise a very successful charity choral event that began with the beautiful voices of the Ignite Gospel Choir.

While listening to the many beautiful voices of the Ignite choir blending together and noticing the different make-up of the people involved in it, people from all walks of life, from all shapes, sizes and colour, from all sides of the community, from various political parties and none, young and old and yet when they all sang together it reminded me of the glory of unity and what unity can do when done right and it sounded amazing. These people had put all their differences aside to bring to those present something special and it showed to me what unity was all about.

It made think recently after all that has happened in the last two years or so of a pandemic, that I again thought of that sound of unity of that night when a large group of people came together under the name of The Ignite Gospel Choir in a common goal and left their differences aside and sang their hearts out to make life better for people and children in dire need in our world and helped to truly make a difference.

I am just wondering if all the political parties and the many organisations put their differences aside for a few years to work in real unity to truly care about the poor, the needy, the sick, the homeless, the abused, the lost, the frontline workers, those affected physically, mentally and spiritually by the pandemic, the abandoned, the downtrodden, the lonely, the unemployed, the mentally unwell and the suicidal? I wonder what sort of a country we would have if we did that, if we all helped one another instead of talking, gossiping, slandering or being unkind to one another.

Gossiping and slandering are something so many of us do on a daily basis. Gossip and slander seems harmless on the surface, but it can cause a lot of negative things in people’s lives. Gossiping and slandering are certainly not giving love, it’s the exact opposite. I have found at times on my journey through life that the saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me,” could not be further from the truth. Each one of us has at one time or the other been on the receiving end of hurtful and unkind words.

Make no mistake about it, those painful unkind words not only hurt, they also change us forever. While broken bones can heal in time, words filled with rage, bullying, belittling and unkindness never heal. Even with therapy, time and knowledge, hurtful and unkind words remain for a life-time. As the writer Frank Outlaw used to say, "Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions, they become habits. Watch your habits, they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny." We should always try as much as possible to build people up rather than trying to tear them down.

“Who Am I”?
This is a great thought I heard from Nana Scully called “Who Am I”, “I am more deadly than the screaming shell of the cannon. I win without killing. I tear down homes, break hearts, and wreck lives. I travel on the wings of the wind. No innocence is strong enough to intimidate me, no purity pure enough to daunt me. I have no regard for truth, no respect for justice, no mercy for the defenceless. My victims are as numerous as the sands of the sea and often as innocent. I never forget and seldom forgive. My name is Gossip and Slander.”

Keep Custody of your Tongue
If those who speak an unkind word in gossip against another could feel for themselves the pain, the anger, the humiliation and hopelessness that resulted, perhaps gossip would then begin to subside. But that is the nature of gossip; it is entered into in exactly the kind of way that offers the perpetrator a good measure of isolation and protection from having to feel as I know the real and all too often devastating outcome of their actions. Just look at the results recently in the lives of some people who were bullied and gossiped about. In the Benedictine monastic tradition, there is a spiritual practice called keeping custody of your tongue.

The idea is to consciously pay attention to what you say at all times. It's okay to speak your mind and even to express anger, but you must do so with awareness that harsh words can be very harmful. Keeping custody of your tongue is not an easy practice. Be patient with yourself. The only way to break a habit of careless and harmful words is to work on it day by day with honest intention. Just consider the consequences of not paying attention to what you say! As the words of Leo Buscaglia says, "Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around."

An Old Irish Story
In a small community, one fellow is known as the town gossip. He has thoughtlessly told and retold some stories that have caused others to feel pain and shame. When his local curate confronts him about the damage he has done, the man is sorry for being so hurtful. He asks what he can do to make amends.

The curate tells him to take some pillows out into a field, to cut them open, and to shake all the feathers out into the field. The man thanks the curate and runs off to do what he said. Later, he returns and reports that the wind has taken the feathers to all parts of the field. The curate tells him this is good and now he must go back to the field and collect all the feathers. The gossip knows that is an impossible task. Hurtful words once spoken cannot be retrieved. It's better to take custody of your tongue in the first place.

Thought for the week
As your thought for the week, remember that sometimes the strongest people are the ones who love beyond all faults, cry behind closed doors and fight battles that nobody knows about and yet they are gossiped about or are the receivers of some of our harshest, slanderous and unkind words!

A prayer I like to say to give me strength at times goes as follows, "Lord, Praise You for godly friends who hold us accountable. Thank You for illuminating the deceitful power of gossip, that we all entertain within earshot daily. Forgive us for listening to it instead of walking away. We confess that often we don’t speak up out of fear of rejection, and pray that you help us to have the courage to honour others with kind words when their character is being publicly slain. Bless and heal those who have been mangled by gossip, and others enslaved by it’s addictive habit. Heal our insecurities, and help us learn to turn to you for affirmation. Make us busy serving others in love to give You glory, instead of sitting in circles of babble and participating in chatter-filled phone calls. Empower us with Your Holy Spirit to heed Your warnings, and steer our conversations with Your love. Grant that I may never fall into the sin of slander and gossip. Help me to think charitably about my neighbour and to never spread lies or rumours about them. May I always remember that my neighbour is made in Your image and is deeply loved by You, the same as me. May I treat them as I would treat You. If there is a situation in which my friends or coworkers are gossiping, give me the courage to change the subject, bring up the person’s good points, or walk away entirely. Help me to hold my tongue when the occasion warrants, knowing that my every word is recorded and I will be judged according to Your justice. For the times I have failed in this charity, forgive me Lord, and grant that I may not fall into that sin again by Your grace. In Jesus’ Name, Amen." In finishing this thought, remember to always take custody of your tongue in your dealings with others and remember the words of Mother Teresa when she said, "Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless."