10 things Irish people do every time the sun comes out

Offaly Express Reporter

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10 things Irish people do every time the sun comes out

10 things Irish people do every time the sun comes out

Say 'I don't burn' every two minutes...

We ignore all the warnings about sunburn and bare our skin to the element because, let's be honest, we don't know if we will even see the sun again this summer. However, this will result in us turning a luminous shade of pink and we'll spend three days wincing in fear in case anyone might even brush lightly against our shoulders.

Buy every fan in Argos

We're not used to the heat and we're not really designed for it. The first touch of heat and there's a queue in Argos to buy every last fan they have.

Get a very Irish tan...

Half the country will get the good old farmer's tan. You'll think they 'have a great colour' but when they take off their shirts, you'll see the tan finishes where the t-shirt did. The other half of the country will be fretting about their tan lines when they are heading out wearing a strapless top.

Half-arse a paddling pool...

First of all we'll half fill it because we haven't the patience to wait for it, and then we'll persist with it, even when it's full of dead flies, leaves and grass. 'By the time I have it refilled, the sun will be gone in.' Luke warm and dirty will do the finest!

Make bad fashion decisions...

We cobble together a flashy pair of pink shorts and blue Hawaiian shirt 'for the day that's in it.' Let's not even go to the sandals and socks situation. 'Sure, it's not warm enough to take the socks off as well - it's not Tenerife we're in.'

Flock to the beach...

Like the mass migration of wildebeest on the African plains, we will be drawn to the beach to enjoy the couple of days of fine weather. This will lead to traffic chaos around Galway in particular as our innate Irish instincts draw us to our spiritual summer home in Salthill. Unfortunately when you get to the beach, you find that everyone else within a 100 mile radius had the same idea and you barely find a spot big enough to put down the towel..... and after the long drive, the kids already want to go home. 

Drink! Drink! Drink!

We take our alcohol addiction al fresco - because we're posh like that. Sales of large bottles of Bulmers and bags of ice will skyrocket and we'll all settle into the brand spanking new garden furniture. 'Sure what else would you be at in that heat.' Any excuse to drink in the middle of the day!

Scramble for the Ice Cream Van...

The sound of the ice cream van is a harbinger in summer, luring packs of feral children from their darkened cocoons to stalk the musical beast and claim their reward. Parents will go rummaging in their pockets for the price of a screwball!

Buy a lovely new barbecue...

We left the other one outside to rot all winter so at the first sight of more sun, we suddenly think we are Neven Maguire and start cooking up a storm in the garden. The proud chef will be covered in burn marks on his exposed torso and will spend the evening saying, 'Have one more. Sure one more burger or sausage won't kill you'. Meanwhile the dog waits patiently for what is going to be a monster feed of leftover meat. We'll moan about the expense of the barbecue the next day when it's lashing rain again.

Complain...

There's always one person who can't help but complain about the heat we've being literally crying out for all year. 'Ah but, it's too hot and we could do with a drop of rain.' These people don't deserve that extra burger from the barbecue.