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05 Oct 2022

7 things your non-Offaly friends do and say to really annoy you

7 things your non-Offaly friends do and say to really annoy you

They know it all annoys you

They emphasise the word 'awfully' in every sentence...

They do it as if they're the first person to ever think of the link. You're 'Offaly' original, lads.

They call you BIFFO...

No matter how many times you try to protest that it stands for Bright Intelligent Fella/Female from Offaly. They also assume you are an ardent supporter of former Taoiseach Brian Cowen.

They take you off...

They mimic any hint of flat 'boggerness' in your accent by repeating your pronunciation of words. 'Three' and 'bowl' are prime candidates. There's surely nothing worse than the word 'bowl' in a flat Offaly accent. Were you watching the Super 'Bowl'? will be asked every February with chuckling condescension.

They don't know what Offaly is...


'Offaly? Where's that then? Is it a county?' Surely this casts more aspersions on their intelligence than Offaly's significance as a county, but nevertheless annoying when you have to explain and insist that, 'Yes, Offaly is indeed an actual county.'

They slag your GAA teams...


Abundant fodder these days. GAA has had better days and your non-Offaly friends are not shy about reminding you. The hurlers lose to Kerry – the Whatsapp group blows up. The footballers end up in Division 4 in a dogfight with Carlow (perish the thought) – sneery comments follow.

They assume you're a farmer...


'Sure, everyone down there lives on farms, don't they?' They assume you spend your days walking miles to fetch water, milking cows and making hay. If it's not a farm, they are telling you they thought Offaly was just one big bog. Technically it is, but irritating to be reduced to it by an outsider!

They joke about that goal...


They tell you Seamus Darby should have been called for a foul on his man before scoring his famous goal in the 1982 All-Ireland when we stopped Kerry win the five-in-a-row. You're not taking that one from us lads. Kerry just couldn't handle the Rhode heat. 

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