Madeeha Qureshi: How writing a Saudi cookbook helped me grieve loss of my dad

When Madeeha Qureshi’s father, Gulzar Ahmed Qureshi, died, the BBC One MasterChef finalist says she “couldn’t cry afterwards” – for three years.

Referring to him as Aba Jan, he died in 2018, but it took writing her first cookbook for Qureshi to fully grieve her loss.

“I cried endlessly writing this book,” says the 44-year-old. “Every single memory was coming from my heart – I’ve cut my heart open and I’ve poured it physically into this book.”

Through writing and finally releasing her emotions, Qureshi says she has learned that “grief is a final form of love” and hopes that, while also inspiring people to cook, she can “normalise” conversations on grief and loss, too.

“Having that part of grief in you is not wrong, and we shouldn’t be hiding it, we shouldn’t be masking it,” she says. “We should normalise it, the feeling of grief, because it is part of love.”

Qureshi, a mother-of-three who lives in Hinckley, Leicestershire, captivated audiences with her unique blend of traditional and modern culinary techniques when she appeared on MasterChef in 2021.

Her debut book, The Red Sea Cookbook, is devoted to Saudi cuisine and includes stories from her childhood in Jeddah, in the district of Balad and Kandarah, where she grew up.

“I am someone who is ethnically both Arab and Asian, so I am a sandwich of culture,” she explains.

Born in Pakistan, the family moved to Saudi Arabia when Qureshi was just three months old.

“Saudi Arabia is the place which is my spiritual homeland. This is where I got my memories, this is where I grew up, this is who I am. The people there shaped me into who I am,” she says.

She says that, from the outside, citizens of Saudi Arabia might seem “closed” but they are in fact “the most hospitable and generous people” she has ever come across.

Describing them in three words, she says they are “incredibly kind, generous and hospitable”, and she still visits Saudi Arabia today, having moved to the UK in 2007.

“Saudi Arabia is a treasure trove that is just waiting to be explored,” she says. “Even though there are developments happening, you will still find it very serene, very natural.

“The Red Sea, the reason it’s famous is the iconic red coral reef which is visible from a distance, and the sapphire blue water, clear as crystal – you will forget the Maldives.”

Some of Qureshi’s earliest and fondest memories involve cooking – and one recipe that stands out is an orange loaf cake, the first cake she ever made.

Taught to her by her neighbour and family friend Umi Qamar when she was 11 years old, she knows the recipe so well that she could now make it “with one hand tied behind [her] back and blindfolded”.

She bakes the cake, which is made with fresh orange juice, every single week and says it was the first recipe that went viral on social media.

It features in her cookbook, which has more than 100 recipes, each with personal stories from Qureshi’s life.

“That cake has been part of my life from a very early age,” she says.

“I can remember from my earliest memories, in November, December, Navel oranges used to flood from Egypt across the Red Sea into Saudi Arabia and there were open fruit markets.

“My dad used to bring absolute buckets of oranges – I never recall a day where my dad brought anything in a small bag – and those oranges and their smell, they were so intoxicating.

“I remember I used to peel them with my little hands, even though they were damaging my nails, my cuticles, and I baked the orange cake in a Danish biscuit tin because that was what we had at that time.

“The smell, the waft, just reminds me of Saudi Arabia and my home, my parents, my dad, and now my kids love it.”

Other “nostalgic” recipes that feature in the book include chicken livers, inspired by her father, and watermelon pith jam, which she used to eat by the spoonful as a child in Saudi Arabia.

She explains that, in the 1980s, watermelon pith jam in tins was widely imported into Saudi Arabia from Iraq, where it originated.

However, during the Gulf War, which took place between 1990 and 1991, the supply chain vanished, leading her father to find someone’s family recipe for the jam so they could make it themselves.

“[At the] time, as a child, I didn’t understand the calamity of war… I was just fixating on losing my regular supply of watermelon pith jam,” she says.

“Whenever I make it, I’m reminded of that whole situation, that grim time, and that gesture of humanity – that someone came forward and gave that (watermelon pith jam) recipe to my dad who was struggling with a very young child who was being picky about this jam.”

Qureshi says one general misconception about Saudi cuisine is that it is “very meaty, bland, beige and boring” – but she says it is “the polar opposite”.

She describes the food as “zingy, punchy and zesty” and says key ingredients include black lime, green cardamom and mastika.

“Saudi food is very flavourful, but it’s not spicy,” she adds.

“It’s so diverse, but the warmth and the love that is poured into Saudi cuisine, that is one common thing in their food across the region – you can taste the food if it’s without love.

“It’s the effort and the way they make it, that’s the key.”

The Red Sea cookbook features everything from small plates and salads to main dishes, breads, sweet treats, drinks and spices – including a tuna and butter bean salad and baleela, described as “a lip-smacking, slurpy Saudi street food”.

Qureshi wanted to include recipes which are easy to make, with readily available ingredients that can be found in supermarkets, and do not require large budgets.

Along with her personal stories, she wants the cookbook to be “relatable” and “accessible” to everyone and says the bright heritage carrot salad is the perfect recipe for a beginner.

While grieving and writing this book, she says it reminded her how her father taught her to “see human beings as human”, adding: “It’s beyond any class, creed, colour, race… this book is for the citizens of the world.”

She continues: “I have gone through all the ups and downs of the life. I’ve seen peace, I’ve seen war, I’ve seen civil unrest, I’ve seen everything.

“So, I would suggest, read the book, enjoy the stories, and when you feel like you’re ready to give a go to the recipes, please do so.

“One lesson that I’ve learned from life is just keep on going, do not stop.”

The Red Sea cookbook by Madeeha Qureshi is published by Nourish Books, priced £32. Photography by Patricia Niven. Available now