10 things an Offaly Sat-Nav would say

Justin Kelly


Justin Kelly



10 things an Offaly Sat-Nav would say

10 things an Offaly Sat-Nav would say

'Do a U-ee, mush' 

When you've taken a wrong turn and you're in the arse-end of nowhere with no roundabout to swing around. 

'Horse it left, bud'

No need for 'keep left at the fork' when you're heading to the airport. 

'We'll be there in abouh half an-our'

Typical Offaly attitude when the Sat-Nav is giving you an estimated journey time of two hours. Sure we'll make up time on the bypass.

'Hang a right after the two bad bends'

Every Offaly driver can decipher a 'bad bend' so this instruction should be no bodders!

'I'm banjaxed'

When the Offaly Sat-Nav loses signal.

Lave ih wih me

You've missed a turn and the poor aul Sat-Nav has to reroute, ya dope!

'Plough on straight through the roundabout'

First, second, third exit. It's all gobbledygook - keep her lit, end of!

'Take her handy, bud'

You're tipping along and breaking the speed limit. Not on at all for these modern Sat-Navs.

'There's a fierce lohha traffic up ahead'

The unofficial and very Offaly warning for traffic congestion on the route.

Jayzus, will ya go and aks someone for directions!?

You're beyond technological help, probably in Pullough!